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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26424169">Not Letting You Go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakasyamo/pseuds/wakasyamo'>wakasyamo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I love them so much, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Panic Attacks, Pokemon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:00:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,516</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26424169</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakasyamo/pseuds/wakasyamo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Satoshi and Gou have a very scary experience, but Satoshi is unusually quiet on the train ride home.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gou | Goh/Satoshi | Ash Ketchum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>176</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not Letting You Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>tw / panic attack</p>
<p>i love them too much for my own good and wanted to contribute something to the satogou fandom :) it's not the best but hey, it's something</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They sat opposite each other on the train ride home, it was quiet. Pikachu and Rabbifoot were somewhere else on the train, they were the only pokemon they’d brought on the trip. It was just supposed to be a small hike around the canyon to scope out the kind of habitat it might be for pokemon. However, before they knew it they’d been caught off guard by a roaming Nidoking who had almost thrown them off of the cliffside.

Gou snuck a glance at Satoshi, who stared intently out the window. He couldn’t really tell, but he didn’t seem to be looking at anything in particular. He didn’t seem to be focusing on anything at all, his mind was somewhere else. Satoshi’s hands fidgeted with his cap, he was not wearing it.

Satoshi and Gou weren’t exactly sure what it had been so upset with them about, but it didn’t stop attacking them after both Pikachu and Rabbifoot had fainted. Delivering one final shadow ball directly at Satoshi, it had hit him and sent him flying over the edge. 

</p><p>
-

</p>
<p>“Satoshi!” Gou screamed, racing towards the edge as fast as his legs could possibly take him. He seemed to be falling in slow motion as Gou dived into the ground, dangerously close to the edge, extending his arm. He caught him by the wrist, Satoshi gulped. There were no ledges below him, only the ground and a kilometre of air above it. So he stared up at Gou’s blue eyes, which were pooling with tears, and dangled helplessly as his heart crashed in his chest. Terrified, he was so, so terrified.<br/>
Gou felt his hand slipping, he’d never been very strong. He could not lose Satoshi, he wouldn’t lose Satoshi.<br/>
“You can do it” mouthed Satoshi, attempting to hide the fear on his face. Typical Satoshi, always trying to make Gou feel better, even if he was quite literally on death’s door. Gou nodded slightly, pulling as hard as he could. His heart crashed in his ears, but it was working. Satoshi was almost far enough to reach his other hand to the cliff’s edge. Just a little farther…</p>
<p>Satoshi collapsed onto the dusty ground as they both let out shaky breaths. Nidoking was long gone, thank god. Gou had done it, Gou had saved him. They stared at the sky, tears rolled down Gou’s cheeks and his hands shook. Satoshi was unnaturally still, unnaturally quiet. Satoshi was never quiet.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Satoshi’s eyes were blurry, his mind felt empty. Usually it buzzed with a thousand thoughts a minute, but he just couldn’t think about anything. He hated this feeling, he’d hoped it wouldn’t ever happen again. Grassy fields rolled by, it was peaceful, it was nice. Satoshi saw a few little pokemon sitting by a big tree, maybe this was the extent of it, maybe he was going to start to relax.<br/>
It was like he left his body for a moment as a wave of panic crashed over him, suddenly the grassy hills turned to a wide ravine as the train passed over a bridge. It was at least a few hundred metres deep and appeared so suddenly. His hands stopped fidgeting, he felt a lump begin to form in his throat.</p>
<p>“Is that a Tyltalis?” Satoshi exclaimed, jumping out of his seat. Gou’s head shot up to look out the window, and then to look at Satoshi in confusion.<br/>
“hm… must’ve just been um, a cloud.” Satoshi murmured, and sat back down. He did not sit in his own seat, he sat beside Gou. They were close. This was good, this was better.</p>
<p>“Oh, Satoshi! I wanted to show you this earlier, but look at this Tyltto I saw the other day while you were training! I couldn’t catch it, but I got an amazing shot.” Gou said, checking his pockets for his phone. He couldn’t find it, Satoshi watched silently as he checked under his seat.<br/>
“Oh! It’s in my bag.”<br/>
Gou’s bag was on the other seat, he moved to get it. Satoshi drew in a sharp breath. Gou didn’t sit back down next to him, but on the seat across from him where Satoshi had previously sat. He showed him the picture, Satoshi barely registered it.</p>
<p>“Well, I have-... I have a cool picture to show you as well.” Satoshi said, fumbling with his phone in his hands as he tried to find a picture of a pokemon. There was a cute one of an Eneco, he didn’t even take it himself. Satoshi moved seats to show it to Gou and he seemed impressed enough. They were close again, Satoshi pressed his shoulder lightly against Gou’s. His breathing was becoming irregular.</p>
<p>The sun was beginning to set and a bright orange flash hit Satoshi and Gou’s eyes.<br/>
“Hang on, I’ll pull the blind down.” Gou said, getting up. The handle was on the other side where they were sitting before, Gou leaned on the seat as he pulled it down.</p>
<p>Satoshi stood up abruptly, taking Gou by surprise. He simply looked at him for a moment before he noticed. Satoshi’s eyes were glassy, his hands were shaking a little bit and he was breathing fast, too fast.<br/>
“Sato-”<br/>
“Stop moving!” He yelled. Silence fell between them, and then Satoshi ran.</p>
<p>Flinging the door open, he sprinted down the train corridor and slipped into a dark room with an open door, shutting it behind him. It appeared to be some sort of storage or supply room. Satoshi stood still for a second, his own fast breathing filling his ears. Then he stumbled back towards the wall and slid down to the floor. His hands pressed against his forehead and he tried to breathe. His whole body shook and tears escaped his eyes. He was scared, he couldn’t move. </p>
<p>It took Gou a minute or so to find him, he slowly opened the door.</p>
<p>“Satoshi…”</p>
<p>“Gou, I don’t- I don’t know what’s…”</p>
<p>Gou didn’t let him finish as he knelt down in front of him, wordlessly asking for permission to touch him, which he was given with a small nod. He put a hand on the other boy’s back, gently guiding Satoshi to lean on him. Satoshi felt a hand in his hair and let out a sob which he quickly attempted to stifle. Gou felt his heart twist in his chest.<br/>
“Just let it happen, I’m here and you’re going to be okay.” Gou whispered, Satoshi curled in on himself. Gou ran his hand up and down the back of his neck, slowly. Satoshi’s breathing fell in line with it after a few minutes. He continued to cry, clutching onto Gou like his life depended on it. It already had once today.</p>
<p>“Is this about what happened at the Canyon?”<br/>
A nod. Satoshi found the courage to look up at Gou just a little bit.</p>
<p>“I’m never going to let you go, I promise.”</p>
<p>Satoshi’s eyes made full contact with Gou’s and for a moment he just stared, tear drops clinging to his eyelashes. Then slowly he wrapped his arms around Gou’s neck and buried his head into his shoulder. His sobs turned into occasional hiccups, he was shaking less, he felt safe and almost calm.</p>
<p>"Hey, Satoshi? If you don't mind, I was just... I've talked to your old friends before and they've told me a few stories about how you've almost- you know, before. But they never mentioned anything like this happening. A lot of those times sounded even scarier than this one, what was different about it?"<br/>
Satoshi chuckled a little,<br/>
"Nothing"</p>
<p>Gou frowned, "The only thing that was different was that I wasn't able to distract myself for long enough apparently." His eyes widened and tears sprung to them, his arms grew tighter around Satoshi.<br/>
"You don't have to distract yourself, you can always come straight to me." Gou whispered, Satoshi looked at him, slightly surprised. "I can't bear seeing you upset" He whispered, he wasn’t sure if Satoshi had even heard it.</p>
<p>Satoshi smiled.</p>
<p>A little while later, Gou asked if he wanted to go back. Satoshi nodded, but when Gou pulled him up by the hand he almost fell right back down again.<br/>
“Satoshi?”<br/>
The room was spinning, he clutched at Gou’s shirt and his eyes screamed help. He was dizzy, Gou seemed to realise just in time as he stabilised Satoshi and brought him back down to the ground.</p>
<p>“I’m going to be right back, and I mean that. Will you be okay?” Gou asked softly, Satoshi considered it for a moment. He reckoned he could handle that.<br/>
Gou chuckled at his clumsy little nod, and then looked down for a moment like he wanted to ask something.<br/>
“Okay.” He breathed, and then quickly leaned down to kiss Satoshi on the cheek before rushing out of the room. That gave Satoshi something to think about for the next few minutes.</p>
<p>He arrived with their bags, a blanket, some water and some food. They huddled on the floor together, it was a long ride back to Lumiose City.</p>
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